let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
