Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she peed on how many people?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
