I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
