Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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