Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
