dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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