Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
