You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
why do cheetos always look like penises
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
