I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
