Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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