Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
