as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
