So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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