Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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