It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
