i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
