You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
