apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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