flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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