The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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