If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
