Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
