My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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