Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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