He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
