they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
