If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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