She announced her abortion via fbk
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
