Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
