well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
