I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
