her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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