i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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