He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
