yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
