Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
