idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
soo... how was my night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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