I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
