..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
