I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
