I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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