Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
