it's like iHOP with fire
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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