I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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