my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
