It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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