he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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