No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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