I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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