so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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