To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
