yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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