Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
