He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
