I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
