I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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