I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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