So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
