everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
birth control should be required to get into college
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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