dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
