I'm going to jail i love you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
