i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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