dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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