He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
